gentlegem.blogspot

*jobless NO MORE!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

finally, we are ~~jobless~~ NO MORE! =D
we got through the interview successfully.

had a long day today.
went for the interview in the morning.
and slacked while waiting for the training at 2.30pm.
we were so tired after listening to the heavy slides for 2hours.
followed by an hour of briefing by the customer service dept lady.
the people there are friendly.
our consultant is friendly too~~ =)

unfortunately we were being posted to different locations tomorrow.
just hope that i can be post to CPF Service Center at Bishan on Sat. (:

after heading to Gerlin's office after the training,
we took a train all the way to Changi Airport. lols.
while eating, we chatted about our present and future.
and Mabel, i thought of what you asked me! hehex!
i felt really fortunate... to have HIM and all my good friends around me. (:

special message to YOU*
sorry that i didn't keep my promise to accompany you this week.
now that i'm starting to work and your school going to start soon, it's even harder for us to meet.
but i will try to meet you as long as i'm free.
<3

*J'YING

10.35pm

Written at
10:21 PM

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met up with mabel at orchard today.

we went up to Recruit Express at ngee ann city.
but when we reached the unit... we didn't see any reception or any counter so we don't dare to go in. =X
finally we decided to give a call. so we dial the number i saw from their website which stated ORCHARD. =X
in the end, it turns out that the number is for the Raffles Place office. -.-"
so then, we took the train down to Raffles Place. and the funny thing was.. after mabel hanged up the call, we forgot the lady's name. her impression was something that sounds like Jolene. and mine was something that sounds like Gillian. so we just anyhow concluded that it should be Gillene. or what. lols! in the end is Gerlin! -.-"
omg. blur us.

Gerlin introduced us a CPF customer service job. its a 2 weeks project for CPF. just nice for us as our holidays left about 2 - 3 weeks.
the interview is today at their head office. -.-
both of us were v.scared, wondering what they will do during the interview. lols.

so...
wish us LUCK! (:

I WANT MONEY!
lols.
i want to buy lots of clothes, necklaces, chocolates, CDs and ermmm... anything that i like. LOL! =p

*J'YING

1.00am

___::?::

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

aww!finally i am like blogging before 12 midnight, hopefully i can post this before the strike of midnight.hahax!

..claps..

hahax.well.today is not much of an eventful day though.hahax.

was chatting with jingying online at about 4+ then she asked if i wanted to go coffee with her and jookiah.so i was like "ok lorx, after all i have nothing much to do".hahax.

so we decided from Starbucks @ Compass POINT in Sengkang, to CoffeeBean @ Hougang Mall, in the end we ALMOST ended up in the nearest coffeeshop in Serangoon, but hahax, in the end we have our "coffee" at N&B Snacks.YAH!l.that's soya bean.

muahaha.we had such a decision, was all because of me.because i had to come home by 6.15 to prepare dinner for my mom who is coming back at 6.30. (its like -.-, ok.i know.lolx!)

hmm.it seems that our blog is becoming more&more active, ying!

HAHAX!its good news,ok~!HAHAX!

let's see.hmm.last week at this time i was at my poly sem2 class chalet at Safra.hahax.we were playing mahjong and watching Species on the HBO channel, if i have not remembered wrongly.hahax.hmmm.how i wish i could do that now.its bored.it really bored.

Right.in the end i have decided to go with jingying to Recruit Express tomorrow, because i cant find a job.hahax.well.actually its can,its just that i am lazy to find myself, ever since my last job at The Regent, Singapore.

My recent obsession in kdramas is Goong/Princess Hours/Palace, and its coming to an end soon. HOW?!? its really a nice drama.the guys are like "awww!soooo kawaiii and cool~" and the girls are like "woah~Pretti!" hahax.well, when i saw the casts for Jewel in The Palace, i was kind of turned off by their faces.hahax!maybe becuase they are old?but Goong's young?hahax!at the end of the day, its still personal preferences lahx.haha!

okiex.dokies.i have exceeded the "time limit".initially i wanted to post this before midnight, but i guess i cant anymore, because its 12:04 am now.hahax! 4 minutes pass midnight. =)

i feel the e m p t i n e s s in me.
penned 12:06 am

Written at
11:38 PM

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23rd december
i was working at PCSS. and at this time, you stepped into the room.
all of us just looked at you with a blank face until you explained you are one of our staffs.
then i went forward to ask if you need any help. that was the first time i talked to you. after you left, i realised i forgot to get the list of things you took. therefore i asked my friend for your number and smsed you. you called me back to read out the list patiently.
i can tell you are a friendly person. and never do i expect us to become good friends after this day.

24th december
i was celebrating christmas eve with my friends at orchard partyworld.
halfway, i received your sms. you address me as the 'pcss girl' until i introduced my name to you. we smsed a few more and ended with christmas greetings for each other.

14th february
as each day passes, we became closer and closer.
on this day, you came to fetch me.
when i board your van, we exchanged our valentine's day gifts.
we headed to the zoo and there, you asked a question and from then on, we hold on to each other, with our hearts joined together. (:
though until this day, we only knew each other for 51 days... but you sweared to understand me better and to make this relationship stronger.

22nd february
its exam week for me. you were there to support me, encouraging me to study harder.
after my 3rd paper today, we met at pasir ris interchange and from there, you accompany me home. although its only a journey home, we were glad to have each other's company.

24th february
10 days since we started...
today i had my last paper.
you being so understanding know that i will feel tired, accompany home again.
at the interchange, we waited and waited, hoping a double-decker bus will come. but unluckily, after three bus88, its still a single-deck bus. as its getting late, we joined in the queue and got onto the bus.

28th february
we planned to go out on this day. but last minute, i cancelled it off.
you got very disappointed upon seeing that bad news early in the morning after you opened your eyes.
then, we got into a mini disagreement. you came all the way to my void deck, but i was reluntant to go down.
in the end, i went down feeling so afraid to break down when i see you. after sitting there for some time, i went home and you went out.
and we were fine after that.

14th march
our first month~ =)
but we didn't get to meet up.

15th march
you fetched me to and fro Bling's house today.
though we didn't spend much time together but you said you were satisfied enough as long as you can see me.
then, i forgot to pass you my present for you and you drove all the way back to get it.
the present is a pair of hp keychains. one for me and one for you.
for mine, its engraved with your initials and for yours, its engraved with my initials.
hope we can hold on to each other as long as possible. =)

25th march
today, i chose to leave.
i felt tired that i been letting you down again and again. i felt i am such a lousy girlfriend to you.
though i was the one who made this decision, i felt equally terrible.
on my bus journey to meet WanTing, every memory of us flashed in my head again and again.
my friends advised me not to give up.
but i was too afraid to make any decision. i was so afraid that i might hurt you again.

26th march
i realised i couldn't let go.
i realised i love you more than i thought.
i realised everything lies on the problem that i gave myself too much stress.
you were there to love.
you were there to forgive.
you were there to start anew with me.

and so....
our story continues.........

PS.
after this incident,
i felt so stupid why did i let go and caused all the unhappiness between us.
but now...
i learnt to relax and to cherish.
i believe things are getting better. =)

*J'YING

.hmm.lets see.what's with today.hahax.

firstly my toe is getting better.hmm.hopefully i can wear my addidas shoes by tml.hahax.because i m kind of missing them.
...
...
...
...
...

Owell~.now i m wondering what are the purposes of having a blog?

some are having a blog to maintain their standard of English, whilst some are just letting their hearts have their say and of course keeping track of what they have been doing lately, etc...

but for me, hmm.i guess its all of the above.hahax. =)

hiax.i m sooo restless now.

hmm.i don't why, out of nowhere the song "Mr. Lonely" is now playing in my head.hahax.

(maybe because i am really lonely.hahax!)

i feel the e m p t i n e s s in me.
penned 12:27am

*OUR STORY CONTINUES...

Monday, March 27, 2006

i think everything lies on the problem that i gave myself too much stress.
everything is alright now.
and OUR STORY CONTINUES... (:

i'll learn to relax.
i'll learn to treasure.
i'll learn to love even more.
hehex.

while looking through our blog, i realised something is wrong with our time. lols.
because we didn't set to SINGAPORE's TIME! -.-"

*J'YING

Written at
11:45 AM

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___::hmmmm::

Sunday, March 26, 2006

hmmm.lets see.hahax.finally jingying did some final touches to this blog.hahahax!

what about today.

nothing exciting.just another typical sunday.hahax.

seriously manx.i m so bored!i need somebody to butt into my BORING life and start SPICING it up!HAHAX!

hmmm.but speaking of it,sometimes its not a very good idea to have somebody with u also.hahax.=X because its like..hmmm..u still need ur own personal space and time to yourself.hahax.(btw.i don't mean to say anybody.this is my personal view)

hiax.still job-less now.any recommendations?hmm.hahax.its sooo boring to stay at home doing the household chores. =)

byeeeeeee!

i feel the e m p t i n e s s in me.
penned 11:11pm

Written at
10:43 PM

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Once i told myself...
i want to make this relationship of ours the longest and the most beautiful for you...

"咖啡麻醉不了孤单..."
now i wish to tell you, 我不会让你孤单.

without you, how can my life be filled with colours...?
=)

ily~

*J'YING

when i thought i was okay and could come up with a decision soon...
i started to feel moody again.

sitting down in front of the computer,
i have no idea how should i begin this post.

firstly, i shall thank all my friends who are concern about me.
::Wanting:: i can see how much effort you put in to try to cheer me up. each time i was quiet, you will ask if im okay. you tell me jokes to make me laugh. you made my day better after my terrible bus journey to meet you.
::Mingpei:: you gave me advices and console. you told me understanding is a process in a relationship. you told me problems are never ending and i should solve it together with him so that we can be happy forever.
::Mabel:: though i did not tell you anything, you offer to lend a listening ear when you read what i posted.
thank you girls~

*to HIM
i don't know if i was wrong to start this relationship in the first place. when i told you i don't feel that i need a boyfriend now... i know it will give you a feeling that i am taking your love for granted. but somehow, i don't mean that. i don't know how to explain, but i know it gives you the wrong idea. or maybe everybody who read that will get that impression.
remember you asked me, "then in the first place why did you accept me?"... i felt so speechless after seeing that. its no doubt that i accepted you because i like you. but when you asked me that, i feel that you are blaming me for accepting you in the first place and yet, breaking your heart now. well, i know you don't mean that.. but it just gave me that feeling.
maybe i am giving myself too much stress in trying to be a good girlfriend to you, and also to make you happy. and that might be the reason why each time when you say you were disappointed, i felt terribly stressed and tired.

every single day that we went out or met up is still deep down inside me. its the best memory that i can ever have.
i feel weird holding on to my handphone without our hp keychain.
i feel weird walking alone on the same path that we walked together before.
it seems like everything i see reminds me of you...

you sound pretty alright in your sms today.
but i don't know if its only the surface of you.
just praying hard that you will get better each day...

take care.

*J'YING

*i'm sorry

Saturday, March 25, 2006

you can say me selfish. say me hard-hearted.
because in the end i chose to leave.

i had a terrible bus journey today.
i tried so hard to stop my mind from thinking about you. i tried so hard to control my emotions. but i can't make it.
memories of you and me flashed inside my head again and again.
the same old road, yet i walked alone today.
i blame no one else but myself, because its the decision that i made.
though i hurted you so much, you are still that caring towards me. you smsed me to remind me of the tv show i wanna watch. you went all the way to my place to put the VCD i wanted into my letterbox. you smsed my friend to ask her take care of me, making sure i am happy. i was so touched. i was so soft-hearted.

until now i still couldn't make a decision. i don't know if there will be a second time. i was afraid to hurt you a second time.
my heart is crying. but i can't come up with a decision. i'm just too afraid to make any decision now.
all i can say again is, i'm sorry.

*J'YING

Written at
10:52 PM

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DONE!finallllly!!!

hahax.i have been trying to change the blogskin since last night.hahahax.but i guess i was too tired, so i kept making mistakes.so i decided to change it the next morning, which is like JUST~.

okkkiex.now its super simple.nice n sweet.hahax.

i gota go.kinda running a bit late.hahahx

i feel the e m p t i n e s s in me.
penned 1:09 pm

haiis. problems seem to be coming in between me and him. sometimes i really feel so tired that i wish to end everything. i asked myself several times do i really want to continue this? do i really understand him? and can i really satisfy what he wants?
and my answers are i don't think i really understand him. i don't think i satisfied what he wants. and i don't think i make a good girlfriend at all. maybe if i have a chance to re-consider, i wouldn't even start this relationship at all. this might sounds that i am taking his love for granted. but i don't mean that at all. i wish i can make him the happiest guy in the world. i wish i can be what he hopes his girlfriend will be. i wish i can accompany him most of the time.
i asked myself again and again what actually do i want.
i used to think having a boyfriend is such a sweet thing. right now that i have one, i feel the opposite. i feel that i can't take the responsibility. everything just seems to be too heavy for me.
i thought everything will be okay. but right now when we talked about that topic again, i feel that i am tired and confused again.

i don't know to leave or to stay. if i choose to leave, i don't know if there will be a second chance. but... i guess i need a break to sort everything out.

*i let you down.
the amount you gave me are far too much than what i can take it.
i feel that i am not that good to deserve it.

i'm sorry. g
truely sorry.

*J'YING

___::time flies::

Friday, March 24, 2006

initially i wanted to post this hour ago, but i was busy with my stuffs.hahax.

44 mins ago,it was still 23rd March 2006.i remember clearly what happened on this day 3 years ago.it was a sunday.st john (that was my cca at that time, in sec 3) had some activity.we were suppose to go down to some place for rehearsal, for some passing out parade thing, if i have not mistaken.on the way to the hospital, i was debating to go or not to.because based on what the doctor said the night before, "there is a high chance he might not be able to pull through the next day."so my mom, grandmom, and all were mentally preparing already.that night i didn't want to sleep through.i was scare that when i wake up,it will be the next day and he will be gone.i wan him to stay on longer, so did everyone.

but eventually,though i didn't sleep through the night, the morning still came. all of us except my mom, went to the hospital first, because she wanted to come home to collect my dad's final journey's clothing.so upon reaching my grandmom was alittle hungry, so we decided to grab a bite at the canteen.awhile later we head up for the ward.he was barely awake.but mayb he was fully conscious too, because he was still very aware of the surroundings when the nurse questioned him.about 1/2 hr later,i thought he would be alright for a few more hours,so i decided to report back to school, informing my teacher-in-charge that i will not be able to attend the rehearsal because of this.

you might be thinking why did i risk this chance of bidding farewell to him, and seeing him alive for the last time, to make a trip back to school.

well..i did tried to contact my other friends to help me pass on this msg to my teacher, but some of them refuse because they felt that this responsibility was too heavy for they to carry, while others' phone line got engaged or cant get through.i still remember one of my friends did not turn on her cellphone,so i called her house only to get her mom on the receiver.upon hearing what happened, her mom promised to help me get her to tell me teacher.i thanked her.

nevertheless,my cousin sped through the highway but halfway through, the nurse called my aunt, whom was with me at that time, only to be told "he is not going to make it,please come asap."of course at that point of time,even a dumbie will know the situation is very critical.hurriedly my cousin made the nearest u-turn and woah~! we were back in the hospital.

at the ward, his eyes were already 3/4 closed.i am not even sure if he knew i came.but i was told by my mom that he is still semi-conscious.so hopefully he still saw me for the last time.awhile later, the machine "measuring" the heartbeat made a single long 'beep'.i knew at that time he was gone.he left the world at that minute,that second.nurses and doctor rushed it, we were chased out from the bedside,only to be told to wait outside the curtains.so.again a while later, the curtains were drawn, the doctor expressed his words of consolations to us. a nurse stayed behind to help my mom to change the clothes for my dad.

everyone teared.

till now 3 years later,i still have a longing for him,though i sometimes i dream of him.having the feeling of your beloved leaving you,is one of the last things i will want to have.this is not a common affair for most people of my age.

after this 'incident' i would say, my life was scarred.i lost a father since that day.i lost fatherly-love that day.i felt that my family was never complete ever since.and each time we went out as a family, i feel sad.because we are short of 1 member.certain places he brought us to, we never went again.certain things he did, we never do again.certain styles of way he did things, we never do it the same again.things just change that day.

but there again,life goes on.

now when i look back at that day,i felt that it was just yesterday.

o manx.i took about 50 mins to write this post.hahax.its 1:27am now.and i m hungry.hahax.

ok folks.here for now.bye!

i feel the e m p t i n e s s in me.

penned 1:28 pm

Written at
12:44 AM

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___::past memories::

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

hmm.where should i start.it has been a long time since i post something here.hahax.

hmm.okkiex.last sat was kinda the first day of work ( as banquet waitress in the regent spore) since my on-the-job-training the week before.well, i thought everything will go smoothly just like the training itself.however, maybe because this week i am kinda assigned to a table of guests alone, i felt very pressursized.i did not know why,but i just felt nervous and all the mix feelings in the stomach when the friends and relatives of the bride and groom came flooding into the room.sooo, when my table was full house, i started serving the drinks...Take note this table that i have been assigned to, consists of 2 families and a couple, a total of 11 people.3 of whom are of my age. when the first course (cold dish) came, i just simply left the plate there and let them serve themselves, because my partner said since i am still not used to taking the food for them, just leave the plate them and let them serve themselves, but when it comes to the second course (shark-fin soup) and the dessert [[yummmmmpie!]], i have to scoop for them bowl by bowl.sooo hiax.

when it came to the second course, whilst scooping for the 8th bowl, i will kinda perspiring like mad.it was sooooo cold in the room, yet beads of sweat just seem to tickle down my face.so this guy (one of the 3 guys of my age) sitting second from my right asked: "are you relaxed?".i did not answer him because i am seriously toooo nervous.hahax.then his dad, sitting on my right requested for 2 cups of red wine and beer each.sooo of course i went out of the room to the bar to get it.when i returned, i reach out my hand to place the cup of beer on the table but i did not realised that the other 3 cups of red wine and beer on the tray that i am holding with my left hand, become unbalanced.and guess what.disaster happened.all 3 cups spilled on the guy's (whom asked me if i was relaxed) back and chair, dirtying my shirt and i was stunned.i stood there and my mind was blanked.my captain whom happened to be nearby immediately came to the "rescue"well,he just brought the guy out to change his shirt.meanwhile i brought the dirtied chair to the bar (which is the room behind the function room).initially i was too shocked to do anything,after a few minutes,i don't why but i started crying.i was very scared.i did not know what to do.i was soo afraid that because of my act, i might tarnish the hotel's reputation.i really did not feel like returning to the room and serve the guests again.

Then my 2 captains came and asked me what happened and so i explained, then came another 3 managers because they heard "one staff's crying.spillage".all of them wanted me to go back n serve them again but i did not want, then my partner wanted to exchange table with me, but i did not want, then my captain wanted to change my table also, but still i did not want. eventually they granted my wish to go off.

well.so i went off, only to find myself wanting to go to the airport again.so upon reaching there, my friend called, wanting his bag back from me, so i took the next bus back.throughout the whole journey to and fro, and whole night, the incident kept playing in my head.i have been thinking of quitting ever since, because i have developed a phobia of carrying drinks on tray.also that was one of the nights i felt very empty inside. i so wanting to talk to somebody, but i did not know whom to turn to.i so wanting to meet somebody at that time, but i did not know whom to turn to....

but life goes on.

on monday i went for my follow-up in nsc (national skin centre), what a relief.my doctor said i have made tremendous improvement, even better than those who took oral medicine too.hahax.so happy~really.so its time to say bye-bye to the remaining pimples and scars on my face.hahax.that was the first day of my class chalet at satra resort (something like that).

yesterday went for the chalet.heehex.lets talk about the night.hahax.the afternoon's activities are kinda normal.hahax!sooo.we BBQ.we chatted.we drink.we manjonged.we played from 21 points to some game we made up ourselves.hahax.the loser drink.kena twice, but the first cup was plain water.hahahx..woah!last night my stomach really have many chemicals inside.from orange juice to bacardi with orange juice, to heineken, to coke.hahax.last night was also the night i learned to play manjong, finalllly! we played till kelvin ong fell asleep.we played till mabel lee retired for the night.hahax.about 2 am we decided to take a break.hahax.wash up and stuffs.that was also the moment i felt fresh and clean and nice-smelling.hahax.then we continued with manjong again.oooo!this time i won 2 rounds.hahax.but we didn't play with the chips or money.just playing for fun.get the hang of it.we were manjong-ing and watching the tv at the same time.hahax.only to retire at 4 am for the "night".hahax.wanted to see sunrise.but we did not know what time, so in the end we still did not sleep at 4.we were for a walk at about 430, hoping to catch the sunrise, but we waited for 1 hr, till about 530,the sun still did not rise, so we decided to go back to the bangalow to rest.us the 3 girls, siti,jolyn and me, fell sleep immediately upon laying on the bed.we were that tired.hahax.but the other 2 guys were still drinking the remaining 4 cans of beer.i have had no idea what time they slept.ahhax.at about 7,mabel lee came in to asked if we wanted mcd breakfast.hahax.sleepy me, i did not remember what i told her.hahax!then i went back to my lalaland again till 9.hahax.

my stomach felt weird though when i wake up,i figured maybe because i am hungry, so siti, soonwei, mengyeow had mcdonald's breakfast at changi airport.awhile later mengyeow left because he had to meet his friends in about 3 hours time.then initially the remaining 3 of us wanted to "see" aeroplane but siti felt tired, so she left for home.hahax.so left me n soonwei.hmm.we stayed in the airport since 11 am till about 2 pm, jus to find a certain viewing mall.hahax.in the end i sat in bus service 36 from the airport and back to the airport again.a 2 hours journey.the driver will like "why arnt u alighting yet?" because i notice he kept looking back.hahax.finally i took 24 back.hahax.

just now, about an hour and half, i hit my right third toe against the tv sideboard.damn! it was soooooo painful.it started to bleed.it started to be numbed.soo because of my brother and mother.because my mom pampered my bro tooo much until i have to keep his clothes and hang them in his cupboard for him.alll because of him, otherwise i would not have a swollen toe now.all because of him.all because of him...

ok.all for now.i want to watch my kdrama now.hahahx!

i feel the e m p t i n e s s in me.
penned 11:21pm.

Written at
10:10 PM

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lame. lols

Friday, March 17, 2006

HAHAA!!

blogging at wanting's hse~

suppose to study.. yet we are playing. =X

and the worst thing is we are in the same room yet we are using msn to communicate.

LOL!!!

so lame.

MABEL!! time to update!!

lols!

*J'YING

Written at
12:53 PM

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HAPPY*

Friday, March 03, 2006

I AM SO HAPPY TODAY!

NEW MONTH, NEW LIFE!

heex

*J'YING

Written at
10:09 PM

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

haiis.

suddenly i realised how long since me n my frens last met.

everybody is busy with their own schmates now.

maybe as we grow, things will never be the same anymore.

jying*

Written at
4:43 PM

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