gentlegem.blogspot

*broke down

Monday, June 26, 2006

within a night,
so many things happened.
i was so lost and helpless.
first time i ever have such a feeling.

i know after that sms,
i will lose him forever.

i was so happy when we had a new start.
my friends felt happy for me too.
i wish to see you, to own your hugs, to do everything that involves you.
but... this happiness was short enough before i could even do those.

i actually intended to keep that weird feeling in me.
however, i feel that since we were together, i should be honest with him.
and there, i told him how i feel.

that was when i made a big wrong move.

"it would be better if we remain as friends." you said.

"maybe... my feelings for you had already faded." you also said.
maybe in the first place, you already had no more feelings towards me.
but you were so touched by my words that you decided to accept that new story.

i was so upset throughout the night.
my heart was jumping fast, which i had no idea why.
but it was so uncomfortable that i felt like vomitting.
my tears kept rolling down like a tap.
however i couldn't close this tap at all.
i was up throughout the night. with only that FEW minutes of sleep.
first time i didn't sleep at all.

i won't blame him at all.
'cause i know deep down in my heart, i couldn't.
i know i was to blame 'cause i didn't cherish him at the beginning.
everything was too late.

its all to be deleted from my memories.
kept deep in the heart and sealed up.
i will learn to let go this time.

my friends,
if you see me, please don't console me.
'cause i'm afraid i will cry.
and don't try to cheer me up.
'cause i won't be able to smile.

let me cool down and accept this fact slowly.

broke down.

Written at
6:17 AM

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