gentlegem.blogspot

*extreme downside of my life.

Monday, July 03, 2006

i'm feeling real tired.
i'm getting weaker and weaker each day.
i'm beginning to feel that everything i do is meaningless.

exactly 1 week ago,
my dad and i had an arguement regarding my bank account.
on the same night,
i received another bad news.
few days later,
submission for all assignments are driving me crazy.

my mom questioned me about my term test results when i haven't even receive any papers back.
my best buddy scolded me for being irresponsible for my work.
now, i'm busy doing my assignment and feeling so stress because of the limited information that we could find.. and YET, my mom shouted at me for PLAYING.
yes. thank you.
i felt so angry and upset being misunderstood.
i felt so discouraged.

i'm just a normal girl who just turn 18.
i understand problems and stress are parts n parcels of life.
i know that everybody will go through all that.
but...
why let me undergoing them all at once...
within ONE week.... its only 7 days.

i am not as strong as what you people see.

i break down easily, even when my mom scolds me sometimes.
i lose confidence easily, when i get no support.

last time i will make myself feel better by sleeping.
but nowadays,
after i wake up, i feel even worse.

i no longer know who to approach. who to rely on. who to trust.
i always wonder how people think inside.
i always wonder what to do to make everybody around me happy.
i always wonder what can i do to make myself a better person.

how to climb up..
when my legs and hands are soft.
when my eyes are blur.
when my strengths are leaving.
when i feel that my presence is not important anymore.

if you were to choose, what will you choose to be in your next life?

me...?
i choose nothing.

~~sometimes i even hate to see pictures of myself in smiles.~~

*i wish to feel nothing.
i need hugs, but there is no one to ask for.
i feel terribly empty.
everything is meaningless.

yes. i cried again.

Written at
12:00 AM

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