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Thursday, September 07, 2006

i shut myself from this world for the whole day.
my head hurts as though it's going to burst anytime.
my handphone was on, but it was dumped one side in silent and no vibration mode.

she came home and act as if nothing happened.
she doesn't even bother to ask if i went for the interview.

when it comes to my brother, she became so nervous.
asked me to translate every single english word in the sms to chinese.
she gave him money to go Malaysia to see formula 1.
i don't know to call this unfair or bias.
i just wanted to buy shorts and contact lens and she scolded like hell.

i wanted to find a job to earn money to pay for my own expenses.
but she destroyed that glimpse of hope this morning.
and YET, she still can scold me everytime when i tell her i wanna buy something.

when i worked last time,
i never ask her for money.
even if i buy dinner for my brothers, i only used my own pay.
my brother worked too, but he took her money.
why doesn't she say him?
RIDICULOUS.

i was sneezing all the time.
she said who ask you to on the fan.
but the truth is, my cold wasn't because of the fan.
i cried myself back to sleep after she left for work.
and when i woke up, i started sneezing non-stop already.
i flooded my dustbin with lots and lots of tissues.

she NEVER bother to ask properly before she says me. NEVER.
i hate being accused. and i really mean HATE.
but everything i kept quiet cause i don't wish to argue back.
and i know she will get all kinds of reasons to "cover up" her mistakes.

so what's the point of explaining?

the problem now isn't money or biasness or what.
i am just real disappointed.
being a mother doesn't mean she is right ALL THE TIME, isn't it?
she doesn't understand this.

at times i really feel that she only look at the bad side of me but never the good side.
i really wish to have a mother who can understand and talk to me.
but no matter how hard i pray, how many river of tears i shed,
she is still the same old her.

ALL I WANT is a mother whom i can talk about everything with.
one who appreciates her daughter.
one who bother to understand what her daughter wants.
and one who get things right before nagging or scolding.

but no matter what, in my heart i still love her. more than anything.

Written at
8:10 PM

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