Hello World! Mabel is my name. 20 on 5th Nov. CHIJ-Our Lady of Good Counsel. PeiCai Secondary. Republic Polytechnic. Dip in New Media Grad. Singapore
*what had i done wrong.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
i feel really tired. i used to be thinking, when will all these end. but i don't feel like thinking much. i don't care if this is how you going to treat me in future. i don't care if this will last forever. i don't care if you still care for me.
my friends tried to comfort me by saying maybe you are under work stress or maybe you are too stressful. but what i see doesn't tell me so. if you are really under stress, then what am i to you? do you use me to release stress? the way you treat brothers, they are just like precious sons. me? i chose to believe you love me. but the way you show your love, makes me see nothing.
walking around in this house these 2 days, i feel like i am invisible. last night i was so upset that i feel like talking to somebody. i thought of daddy. but i don't talk to him much, especially he hadn't reach home at that time. i feel like going over to gramps or aunt's. i just feel like telling somebody in the family what's going on and how i feel. but i don't know how to begin and approach.
first time ever i felt so lonely. i felt my presence makes no difference. i felt useless.
i don't know what's wrong. what makes you treat me and brothers differently. what makes you treat me this way. i just wanted to tell you how i feel. i never think that you are a lousy mother. i only wanted to let you know how far our distances are now. but it ended up like that. i am really tired of crying myself to sleep every night. even tears can roll down when i am lying on bed staring into space.
what had i done wrong. maybe saying i don't care are just lies. because i do care. a lot.
