gentlegem.blogspot

Friday, March 23, 2007

boyfriend asked if i wanna go home early.
i don't know.
i wanted to go home to study, but i don't wish to face the cold family.
when he asked me if i wanna go his house to study, i felt kind of upset.
i can't even come back to my own house after school?
what's this...

while travelling on the roads, i looked up and saw different houses.
those houses look so warm to me, but why mine seems different...

i came home happily thinking that everything is over.
before dad sleeps, he came and looked at me and said "so late le still don't want bathe."
at least he showed concern to me (in a correct way), i smiled to myself.

before i bathe, i was very thirsty.
therefore, i decided to make myself a cup of iced honey.

i took out the ice 'cause the container doesn't have enough.
mom woke up by the sound.
mom: what are you doing with the ice in the middle of the night.
me: *thinking: isn't ice meant to be for drinking*
mom: *repeated her sentence again in an even more harsh tone*
me: drink water also cannot meh!
mom: its not that drink water also cannot but i called you, you didn't answer me! ni bu yao yue xue yue huai!

like wth?
her tone isn't friendly at all in the first place.
and if i don't take ice to drink water, then i take ice to BATHE!? or i take ice to make ICE BED?!

i really really had enough.
i been controlling myself not to answer back when she scolds me.
i controlled SO MUCH that i don't even feel like saying anything at all when she scolds me for nothing, and ends up with the tears only.

all i want is your respect of MY decision about my own life and your understanding of my actions.
i didn't rob the bank, i didn't steal from people.
i just want to live in my own way. CAN'T I?

i could no longer feel any family warmth,

when all i want is just my family to shower me with much love and concern (in a correct way).

Written at
1:06 AM

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